Tag Archives: perseverance

6 Ways to Sabotage Your Goals

There are things which keep us from achieving our goals, and sometimes we’re not aware when we’re being our own worst enemy.

1) be a good friend
Be a good friend to everyone but yourself. Always check email regularly, answer the phone and respond to your social media pings – as important as these are, they’re all distractions from writing. Set a time for them and that should be when you’re in your least creative head space, you can’t write another word or you need a break. There are days when I don’t check in with anyone or even look at emails because they’re an easy distraction and shift my thoughts on other directions. There are no short phone calls with close family or friends. The danger of the distraction is the changing head space. When I’m writing a world, I need to stay in it – the travel fatigue between realities is strenuous and counterproductive.

2) pretend you’re back in elementary or high school
At some point, we learned not to believe in ourselves. We can be our own worst enemy and critic. Somewhere deep inside a kernel of doubt niggles, of not being good enough (whatever that means), that we won’t succeed, that the stories will never measure up. Remember those elementary and high school teachers who red inked your assignments? In an effort to teach us the basics, they unwittingly hammered fragile creative egos. Make them the ghosts of your past, not your present. So, drop the hammer and the red ink and use the keyboard instead.

3) sweat the details
The devil is truly in the details. It’ll bring your world alive or it’ll totally swamp you. Researching a world thoroughly is fun and it stimulates creativity. Done to excess, however, it can be a distraction from both writing the story and the protagonist’s journey. The details must contribute to the plot and not be superfluous. Sometimes you don’t know what details you need until the story is being written. Use the premise and a rough outline to guide your research. If you really like research and world building, know that it isn’t over until the story is published – there will be times when you need to deepen the world with a little more research.

4) fear heights
Fear climbing the ladder of success. Fear writing ‘the end’. Fear sending your work to beta readers and editors. Two things happen when we get closer to our goal – the dreaming stops and we are forced to leave our now comfortable, creative world for the business one. The business side demands skill sets we’re not always comfortable with such as revision, editing, submission and marketing. Rejection or criticism, at any level, feels like falling off the ladder for the higher we go, the harder the fall. But it doesn’t have to be. Learning the business side, climbing that ladder – it’s a skill set that once embraced creates possibilities and enthusiasm for new goals, new stories and opportunities to realize your highest goal which is that of professional writer.

5) believe it’s a just hobby
If you don’t take it seriously, neither can anyone else and the support you need (time to write, encouragement, feedback) won’t be there. Worse still, you’ve created an environment designed to sabotage your goals. Most of us need to work to pay the bills so we can’t write full time. But treating it like a profession isn’t justy about having endless time – it’s about taking it seriously, setting regular times to write, learning the craft and business. So set your goals and take them seriously. Most importantly, decide what it is you want from your writing – is it a hobby or do you want something more? Then, set your goals accordingly.

6) read 15 how-to books and conscientiously apply them to your first draft
That stopped me cold. I didn’t need to read 15 books, just one how-to at the wrong time gave me a very painful writer’s block that took a week to work through. Of course we need to know craft and basic story structure and a few things which will make revision less painful. But sometimes we must trust we know that intuitively and let the story be told. Whether you outline or not the story must be written with all its flaws and gems all mashed into the manuscript. Revision, not the first draft, is the perfect time to analyze the manuscript and apply all the how-to advice. The danger, however, is that there are books 16, 17, 18 and more, and that the goal of finishing the novel isn’t realized. Revision, like this blog, must come to an end and the best way to do that is to write …

The End

Learning to Say No

Yes No Maybe We’ve heard it before and we’ll hear it again because it’s a truth. We can’t do it all and sometimes we just need to say No.

I was reminded of this when a writer friend sent a link to this blog and the last line of what Seth Godin says is “No is the foundation that we can build our yes on.” I think that’s brilliant.

And a reminder I obviously need tattooed on my forehead.  No matter how many times I remember this, it’s usually after I’ve over committed myself – again – and I’m stressed out about having too much to do. Like right now.

We all have families, friends, organizations, careers, and so on that we need to do things for on the occasion. The trick is balancing it, prioritizing it, and keeping what’s important always in mind. And sadly, sometimes that means we just can’t do it all and stay sane. I know I feel crazy more often than I should.

For me, it’s a circular snowball effect. Let me explain the cycle:  I feel good, so I say Yes to too many things. When I don’t have enough time to get all of said commitments done, I start to stress. Stress impacts my depression. My depression makes it harder to be productive for even the important stuff so now everything is harder. I realize I’m a dope and try to wrap up or shed the commitments I can as soon as possible so I can focus on the ones that are super important. I push through and say No to a lot of things. Commitments ease up so I can be productive where I need. I feel better. I feel good….. and it begins again. Hence the tattooed reminder.

The friend who sent out the link was one of the people I asked to guest blog for this month. When I did a follow-up to see if she was going to or not, she said, “You know, at this point, I’m going to have to say no. Does that screw you over? I don’t want to screw you over.” And I thought, Smart Woman! I told her I completely understood. And I do.

It isn’t even just the special projects we should be saying No to… like the class I’m teaching that I haven’t written yet, or the motorcycle riding class I’m taking over four days, or the offer to help an elderly friend run errands. It’s the daily grind stuff that keeps my calendar looking like a multi-headed hydra on steroids has planned a host of events for each damn head for each damn day of the week. Ridiculous. And I have no one to blame but myself!

Who else is suffering from the dreaded Yes-itis Over-committus disease?  Raise your hands. Now commit with me to this instead – I will say No. Repeat it with me, now. I WILL SAY NO.

When asked to XXX, I will say No.

We can find a cure together, people. I believe this. 🙂

I read a book recently, “18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done” by Peter Bregman. One of the things he says to do is come up with a list of the five most important goals for your year, like spend time with family, focus on career, and so forth. And then whenever a request is made, assess whether that request falls squarely inside one of your target goals or whether it is a distraction away from it. Say yes or no accordingly.

I’m trying to do that…. And as I say ‘try’ I hear Yoda in the back of my brain, saying, “Try not. Do, or do not.”

I know what I need to do.

Finding Critical Mass

magnet
Image courtesy of Magnet Lab

I love this time of year. For good or bad, 2013 is behind us and, although the holidays can be hectic and stressful, we all usually get at least a little down time. The beginning of a new year is a time of renewal, of focus, and energy. A time of self-reflection and setting goals.

For those who may not know how to set meaningful goals, I discussed the topic in great detail here.

The problem isn’t always the setting of goals though. We usually start the year well prepared with lists and plans ready to go. But sometimes we’re like the novice golfer who shows up to play with top-of-the line equipment but who hasn’t bothered to take a lesson.  Limited by lack of knowledge or expertise, we may need to take a detour to educate or build those skills so we can reach the next level of craft (see posts from September of 2013 for more on that)

Road RunnerOther times, we just find ourselves no longer inspired by those goals. It’s not that they weren’t laudable or appropriate. The energy just sort of deflates.

It’s kind of like Wile E Coyote who, despite working on his goal tirelessly, never seems to find success.

In personal goals, we might have committed to trimming down until we fit into our middle-school clothing, or working out 9 days a week. But after a month or two, it becomes harder and harder to say no to the cookies or chocolate, or there are too many interruptions to the regular workout schedule so we just give up.

In writing, we may say, “I’m going to write every single day, no matter what.” But then the kids
get sick or we go on vacation, and the perfect record of 18 consecutive days is cracked, and then suddenly there’s no way to get it back and missing days becomes so much easier.

As I’ve considered this, and reviewed everything I did manage to accomplish in 2013, and what I’m determined to complete in 2014, I realized that the goals that work are the ones that inspire.

mentosThese are goals that I term as having reached Critical Mass.

Critical mass is the amount or level needed for a new action to occur.

In writing, projects that reach critical mass are the ones that take on a life of their own and begin pushing us forward until we can’t keep the genie in the bottle, no matter how much we want to get lazy or just give up.

So how do we find such a goal?

Each of us are motivated by different things, but there are some commonalities. And the great thing is that as we reach critical mass in a project and feel that rush of awesomeness typing those magic little words, “The End” it becomes easier to find the next project that has a chance to reach critical mass.

Giant snowballHere are a few examples of my critical mass projects:

– Completing that first novel. Although it took more than two years and the goal dragged through the middle and almost collapsed under its own weight, I persevered until the momentum began to roll. Once I knew the ending and could see myself getting there, churning out those last chapters proved easier and easier.

– Completing that first short story. A lot of people are smart enough to do this before the first novel, but not me. I set the goal of submitting a story to Writers of the Future (which I recommend everyone do). I’m not a short fiction writer, so this proved daunting, but I still pushed through, and again once I reached a certain point in the process, I couldn’t NOT finish.

– Attending that first con.  As Sherry just mentioned in her recent post, a lot of us writers wait way too long to go to cons.  It took me years to finally do it. I was too busy writing, but eventually realized the need. And my first World Fantasy Con is where I met the man who later became my agent.

– Completing that first full novel outline. I started as a pantser, but over time got tired of so much re-writing, so I’ve moved more toward outlining to help speed up the process. Of course, my first outline turned out to be completely wrong so I had to re-write that novel again anyway, but I still feel I got to the final draft faster.

Each of us have different things that motivate us, we’re on different steps in the path toward our ultimate goals of publishing or full-time writing. No matter where you stand, or what your specific goals are this year, focus your energies on the project that will reach critical mass.

Then it’s more a matter of keeping up than pushing on.

 

Cannot Publish in Ignorance

Road SignI love the theme this month and the stories that have been shared.  It reminds me that we all struggle in life and in our chosen profession.  I do wonder if any non-writers reading these posts might assume we’re all lunatics sharing our stories in an online Writers Anonymous meeting.  We’ve proven it’s a tough, crazy journey on the road toward publication, but we keep plugging away, pursuing the dream, chanting, “Keep at it, and we’ll get there.”

Well, we’ll get there as long as we’re open to learning and growing.  As they say, “Continuing to do the same thing while expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

So we’re either on our way, or we’re nuts.

Growing up I always dreamed of being a writer and I hand-wrote hundreds of pages of drafts as a teen-ager.  But life got in the way and I pretended to be normal and pursued other interests through college and the first years of family and career.  Then through a series of events in 2004 the desire – the need – to write reignited, and I embraced all those imaginary friends I’d been pretending not to listen to for so long.

I remembered some cool ideas I had worked on all those years ago and thought, “Yeah, I’ll just write that.  I read a lot, so how hard could it be?”

Now almost ten years and millions of words later, I laugh every time I think of that naïve wannabe writer sitting down and typing out those first words, “It was a dark and stormy night. . .”

Actually, those weren’t the first words, but they might as well have been for how terrible they were.  But I didn’t know better so I wrote, and then I re-wrote.  For almost four years I worked on that monstrous first novel that stood at about 300,000 words despite multiple re-drafts.  I confidently sent out query letter after query letter to agents, and accumulated scores of rejection letters.

A wiser man might have quit at that point.

Actually, a wise man would have quit after his wife read the first frantically written 80 pages the very first weekend.  With love in her eyes, she said as kindly as she could manage, “This stinks.”

But real writers are slaves to the Muse, or we are tired of people looking at us funny when we talk to ourselves.  Or maybe we’re just a lot more stubborn than most people, so I kept writing.  The problem was I had no idea why the book wasn’t selling.  I had no clue what was wrong with it.  I mean, my mom loved it, so it had to be ready.

I didn’t even understand enough about writing to work on other projects on the side.  I was blind, stuck in a place I could not get out of, but didn’t realize it.  Think Maxwell Smart, but without Agent 99 to bail him out.

Thankfully I found a way out of that rut of insanity.  I took the Professional Writers Workshop from David Farland.

Amazing.  What a revelation.  They actually train people to write!  I’d been doing it all by pure gut instinct for years, and proving why there was a better way.  In that writing workshop, Dave took the time to meet with me over dinner and discuss my project.  Using small words, he explained some of the reasons why the book would never work – like it was waaaay too long.  I learned many things in that class and some of my blind spots were revealed.

What a milestone!  I finally understood some of the reasons why I was not yet successful.

If I were really humble, I would have appreciated that much honest insight into my many writing flaws.  What really slapped me in the face though was the magnitude of the challenge I faced:  Either walk away from the entire writing gig, angry that the industry didn’t understand a brilliant talent like mine – walk away offended and console my wounded pride by thinking “they’re just not ready for so much pure awesomeness.”

Or I could admit that first attempt amounted to the scribblings of an uneducated beginner not even smart enough to take a class for four years, and all the hard work I’d poured into that novel counted as practice.  I’d written enough to qualify a couple times over for ‘the half million words of crap’ we’re told new writers need to complete prior to writing anything good.  Over-achiever all the way.

So I had that going for me, which I took to mean everything I write now will be awesome.

Bottom line, the goal remained:  I will be a professional writer.  So I had to choke down my pride and, after surviving that, I took my first major step wearing big boy writer pants.  I acknowledged that first epic fantasy story could be treated as an Epic Fail.

Then I threw it away.  All 1000+ pages of blood, sweat and tears.

And I started again from scratch.

Out of pure stubbornness, I didn’t even start an entirely different story.  There was a little more blood to squeeze out of that first stone.  I loved the core of that original idea, so I salvaged some of the world building, some of the characters, and the nucleus of the conflict.  Then I redesigned the plot from the ground up.

Like building modern-day Rome on top of the ancient catacombs.

The resulting story is infinitely better than the original, and I’m now working with an agent to try to find it a home.  And instead of waiting forever for that sale to happen, I’ve actually moved on and since written three other novels and e-published one of them.  Four others are in various stages of outlining, all of which I plan to complete next year.

Still plenty of blind spots, but I try to identify them one at a time.  It’s more satisfying that way and a lot less painful – like lancing a single blister instead of performing open heart surgery on yourself.

Still, it was that first major awakening that salvaged my writing career.  I’ll always be grateful to David Farland for beating me down so thoroughly (in a nice way).  Now that I can walk again, I’m a better writer for the experience.

And now I’m looking forward to paying forward the favor.  You may find me roaming the halls at conventions and workshops, looking for blind spots to destroy.

It’s for your own good.  Some day you’ll thank me.