Category Archives: Motivation

Blood, Sweat & Hooked on Phonics

I was born and initially grew up in a bilingual country. My Canadian public school system sought to make its students proficient in both French and English by high school graduation. French was taught from kindergarten to sixth grade and English from six grade through twelfth. The problem was that my dad was transferred when I was nine, and though I had French proficiency at a third-grader’s level, I was effectively illiterate from the perspective of my new, all English school.

Elementary school in a new country was difficult enough without having to simultaneously catch up and keep up. It took an incredibly difficult couple of years for me to reclaim my literacy. I was incredibly lucky however. When my dad’s company arranged the paperwork for us to immigrate, they were unable to acquire a work visa for my mother. She decided to devote her time to tutoring my brother and me after hours.

To this day, I remember coming home from school, completing my assigned homework to the best of my ability, and then sitting with my mom at the kitchen table for hours. My nights were largely occupied with hooked on phonics, supplemental workbooks, and educational games. As any third grader would, I resented the extra homework, but I hated feeling stupid more, and so I worked my butt off.

Over the months, I struggled my way to literacy, graduating from games and primers to picture books, and eventually working my way up to novels. My mom gifted to me my love for reading through patient hours, frustrated tears, endless encouragement and enthusiasm. Though hesitant to give us toys, treats, and video games, my mom was ever generous with books. I could have as many as I could read. The library became an awesome place.

Eventually I caught up to my peers, but the momentum I had built up in my struggle carried me forward, past many of my classmates. My mom’s work permit was eventually granted, and she returned to a day job. By that time, however, working on my reading was no longer extra homework. I loved the stories and the adventure. I loved to read.

I never knew how much my mom kept from those early years until I was packing everything I owned to move halfway across the country. A few nights before I was scheduled to leave, with most of my life packed away in boxes for storage or for travel, my mom found me and showed me a giant Tupperware box, grayish from years of dust dulling the maroon of the plastic. Together, we opened it and inside I found not only the standard detritus of a young child’s life, but those months of workbooks. More importantly, I found stacks of stories written by a barely literate me. I thought that writing was a passion I had picked up in high school and college, but she showed me that I have been writing quite literally since I learned to read. Some of the stories were even in French.

I credit my mother with giving me the gift of literacy. Sure, I worked for it. I shed blood, sweat and tears, but without her patience and love, I would not have the passion for storytelling that is my calling. It is because of her that I can be a writer at all.

Thanks mom.

The Gift of Scorched Earth

BookToday’s post is going to cover two gifts for the price of one, both intangible and tangible.

I began my first novel manuscript in January of 1999. There were three of us then, and during our winter break from college, we set out to write the greatest epic fantasy novel known to man. I probably don’t have to tell you our plans didn’t quite pan out. But flash forward four or five years, and that book, the first thing I ever tried to write with a serious intention of publishing it, was nearly the reason I quit writing for good.

My co-authors dropped out early in the process. We enjoyed talking about our story’s awesomeness more than actually working on it together. But I’d continued plugging slowly along on the book throughout college. And by the time I was graduated and then married, I had a couple of hundred draft pages. That seems like a tiny amount to Present Day Greg, but at the time it was by far the longest thing I’d ever written. The trouble was, I’d basically stopped working on it.

I told myself I was just busy. Working at a full-time job and commuting three hours daily left me very tired by the end of each week. But that wasn’t it. In truth I no longer believed in the story I was writing. I was no longer excited by it, because there was a dissonance between the plot and the protagonist. I didn’t believe that this protagonist would be responsible for the acts of his recent past that formed the foundation of the plot.

I’d be willing to bet a lot of writers don’t consciously decide to give up writing. It just sort of happens bit by bit, day by day until they look back and realize it’s been months or years since they’ve written. The point of no return is when this thought no longer bothers them. I came pretty close to that point. A more experienced writer would have just tossed the idea and started on a new one, but that wasn’t how I looked at it. The germ for this story had been in my head for a decade. If I couldn’t even see it through, what hope did I ever have of being a writer? But the Sunk Cost Fallacy had me in its claws. For those unfamiliar, the Sunk Cost Fallacy is the human tendency to “throw good money after bad” and continue investing in something that isn’t working just because you’ve invested so much into it already.

I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but I gradually gave myself permission to scrap what needed scrapping in order to the save the story. It started with rewriting the protagonist into the antagonist, but by the end I trashed every single word of text and started over. Some of the characters’ relationships to one another and some of my original world-building concepts would survive, but every bit of the prose was fed into the furnace of reigniting my excitement for the project. It was total scorched earth, and as much as I’d dreaded the concept, it was surprisingly liberating once I’d committed myself to it.

Eventually I finished my monster of a first manuscript, An End to Gods. The final product is infinitely better than the project was originally shaping up to be. I’ve gotten much faster and trimmer as a writer since then, and the book is still too big and too Byzantine to publish as a novice writer, but I love it for all its messy complexity. My cousins even collaborated to get it printed and bound in leather for me several Christmases ago, complete with custom chapter icon artwork (Ben and Duncan, you guys still rock!) and it is still the coolest gift I’ve ever been given. It’s sitting on my shelf behind me as I type this (and in the picture at the top of this post). I don’t mind telling you I got teary-eyed when I first laid eyes on it, and I still plan on publishing it one day, however many rewrites that takes. I’ve already done it once, after all.

So there you have it. Two greatest gifts for the price of one. Kevin J. Anderson likes to use the phrase “dare to be bad (at first)” and that’s excellent advice. But if that first draft is so bad it’s discouraging you from continuing to write, it may be time to tear it down and start again.

The Gift of Fortitude

A guest post by Holly Dawn Hewlett.

What is the greatest gift I’ve received as a writer? It is always a dangerous thing to ask any artist this question. As artists, we are affected and marked by everything we encounter. What comes to mind when I see this question is the unspoken expectation of the asker, “And can I use this gift in my career?” I would answer that anytime someone takes the time to consider “the greatest of anything” that has affected them, that you have a rare opportunity to add to those experiences that affect and mark you!

For me, the greatest gift I have received as a writer is fortitude. This fortitude has come in the form of humans and experiences throughout my life. As with most writers, my work is like pouring my blood on a page and hoping not to be a victim of a public execution! As strong as I am, as much as I have to put words to page….I cringe at releasing my work to world. They haven’t birthed it, they haven’t agonized over the consonants and vowels, and they haven’t sat in the darkness as their muse exacts her price for this gift.

My journey with fortitude began early. Writing kept me from killing myself or anyone else during my childhood. I could write anything and get all the horror and pain out, which made space for beauty. I was a gifted student in the ghetto of Philly, fresh from divorced parents, a country bumpkin living in a truck camper on an empty lot with my mom, 3 brothers and several cousins. Until I turned 13, less than a handful of people EVER saw my writings, and no one saw all of it.

Thankfully, English classes require you to write, so from 7th grade on, my teachers knew of my writings. One of these, Mrs. Sheridan made me apply for the R Stewart Rausch program at Temple University. Little did I know I was about to find my lifelong mentor Lonnie Moseley. This program took ghetto kids who were gifted and let them go to college in the summer! I was in Heaven! Lonnie took each of us, found our passion and fanned it with all the resources at her disposal. She also didn’t shy away from the reality of our daily lives….abuse, broken homes, drugs, and death. For the first time in my life I could show someone ANY of my writings and not be afraid of reprisal or ridicule!  This gave me the strength to leave the ghetto. To go explore the world and find my voice.

My journey continued onto the road. I spent 26 years driving a tractor trailer. It you don’t have fortitude or self-reliance when you start, you will either have it or be dead within 30 days.  I loved the road, the indescribable beauty of our country and its peoples, and the challenge everyday of what the day may bring. One of my greatest experiences was finding thousands of other truckers who were writers! There is something about reading a poem into a mic at 3 am going down the road that is cathartic and completely unnerving! Unbelievably, you find out there are countless others who feel just like you.

At 32 years old, I finally had the chance to go to college! I experienced the most unnerving incident of my writing career! Apparently, when you are concentrating and learning anew, unless you are endeavoring in creativity- The brain will shut off sectioned to handle the new stress load being placed on it! The chance of a lifetime (for me) eagerly looking forward to the next 4 years…AND I COULD NOT WRITE! NOT ONE BLOODY RHYME! Not even a couplet! I sat in my dad’s kitchen and sobbed, he of course was dumbfounded. Thankfully, I went to my English Prof Adele Mery, who explained that this happened all the time. She turned me onto a Stephen King book, Nightmares in the Sky http://www.amazon.com/Nightmares-Sky-Grotesques-Stephen-King/dp/0670823074  Even the great writer Stephen King had experienced writers block! I took everyone’s advice and tried to just not think about it. Low and behold, about 5 months into my first year—My Muse came back with a vengeance! THANK YOU UNIVERSE!

During these years my fortitude was beaten, bruised, and tempered. I, an out and proud, take no shit Woman and Lesbian…was attending college in South Texas, the only state that has had a criminal statute for just BEING Gay! AND, The University of Texas Pan American, was 93% Roman Catholic. Most of the time my fellow students were waiting for me to burst into a pillar of flames! They let you know real quick that you could wind up dead, but I gave as good as I got and have some awesome scars to tell my grandkids about! Yet, my defining moment wasn’t in school, it was at home; my dad asked me to use a pen name so his customers wouldn’t know it was his daughter writing all this gay and political poetry! I remember going to my room, crying for a couple hours and then there is that moment: I dried my eyes and said Never! I had never hid before then and I wasn’t going to start now. I had the support of my Best Friend, Clancy Metzger, who is also a writer. We are both warriors, each time one of us is weary of the fight the other one grabs the scruff of the neck and pulls you back up and shoves your quill back in your hand and says, “Put on your big girl pants and suck it up!”

I have not looked back since! I look the world in the eye. I speak my truth, and if it helps someone else…I have created a piece of beauty and saved a life! It is not easy, but I can look myself in the mirror and know that that nightmare is NOT speaking, Not writing, not living my truth.

So, speak your truth, stick your chin out, look the world in the eye….fortitude is of no use if you don’t strengthen it with a good work out now and then!

 

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Guest Writer Bio: 
Holly Dawn Hewlett is a published poet, Slivers of My Soul on Amazon.com. Her passions are print media, Pitbulls, and Reduce Reuse and Recycle! She is an Energy Consultant for Ambit Energy, working to save people money on their electricity and natural gas bills, check out www.Killthemeter.energy526.com

 

The Tools You Use Can Change Everything

mgsloan_Stylized_ComputerYears ago when I was still in the I-Want-To-Be-A-Writer-But-I’m-Not-Writing-Yet phase, I had a crappy desktop computer. It was old, it was big, it was slow and to use it, I had to sit in a less than comfortable chair at a less than comfortable desk. I didn’t write much. Then I met someone and we began collaborating on a book together. I was inspired and writing – at last. It was not ideal and while I was at least following my dream to be a writer, it was still a struggle. The tools I had available were slowing me down.

Not too far into the process, I was visiting with my dad who lived in another state and I rarely got to see. In talking about how I was doing, I mentioned my struggle with my computer. My dad was always a techie, even when tech was barely available. He told me I should have a laptop computer. I scoffed – first, because I was not very tech savvy at the time and second, because I had no money to buy a laptop. Heck, the crappy desktop I had was a hand-me-down. So, I kept plugging away at the story I was writing and doing the best with what I had.

A few weeks later, I received a way-early Christmas present. Two large boxes arrived on my doorstep that contained a brand new laptop with all the bells and whistles and a new printer to go with it. Just remembering that day is making me cry as I type this.

My dad had invested in my dream. In my future – as a writer. He believed in me and gave me the tools to go for it. No excuses. That was such an amazing gift. I finished that book on that laptop in a big comfortable chair in my bedroom and a character was added to it that was inspired by my dad.

Since then, I’ve received many gifts of faith and support in my writing, but that first gift from my dad gave me the confidence and responsibility to believe in myself. Investments in my dream since have included attending the Superstars Writing Seminar and recently getting a newer laptop, though I’ll never part with the one my dad gave me.  My dad died several years ago, but not before he got to read that first book I ever wrote.

Your tools are important and can make all the difference in the world, but then so can one person’s belief in you.