This month, we’re looking at ways to meet goals, manage time and distractions, stay on task and stay sane during the crazy summer months. With school out and vacations luring us away from work, it’s easy to set our goals aside and find our way off the path. Or maybe we set goals in January and need to assess whether we’re still on course.
No matter the specifics, we should be reassessing where we’re at more often than once a year, so here’s to June and accomplishing that task.
Grab cool drink, a cool head, and dive on into some self-assessment. The water’s fine!
So, you killed someone? You have a dark past, present or future? That’s okay. You too, can still get the girl and find love!
Don’t believe me? Let’s look at what makes a character a bad boy or anti-hero and see if we can discern why the women swoon for them. Because they are, I promise. And your flaws are part of the attraction.
First, what defines a bad boy, anti-hero or what some call Byronic Heroes. We know the bad boys – the guys you can’t bring home to meet the parents. They may wear too much leather, have a disregard/disrespect for authority (and that includes dear old dad), brood, be rebellious, or be one of those long-haired music types. We know them by their clothes, their hair, their motorcycle, their attitude, their criminal record. And damn if they don’t draw us in with their sexy bad boy ways. Think James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause, Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club, or Brad Pitt in Fight Club.
Anti-heroes are those characters who lack conventional heroic qualities. They possess both good and bad qualities. They show us what real human nature looks like. We root for them to redeem themselves and though they are not someone we can look up to, we like them and fall for them anyway. These guys are also the ones you may not want to bring home, but we want them despite their flaws. Think Vin Diesel as Riddick in any of the Riddick films, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in The Pirates of the Caribbean, or Harrison Ford as Han Solo in Star Wars.
Byronic Heroes are those who are proud, moody, cynical, vengeful, miserable and yet capable of deep emotion and strong affection. They can be obsessive, tortured and arrogant, yet we have to believe that our love can change them. Think Mr. Rochester (too many great actors have done this role – take your pick) from Jane Eyre, Hugh Jackman as the Wolverine from the X-Men, Laurence Olivier or Tom Hardy as Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, or Gerard Butler as the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. And let’s not forget Tom Hiddleston as Loki in Thor. They’re all just so irresistible!
So, why do we women-folk want them? I think it’s that we like a bit of the dark with our sweet. Too much nice can get cloying. Too much bad is not healthy for us. They may be murderers after all. But, if you can find that perfect balance, or kid yourself into thinking that you have, then voilá – love.
Something caused these guys to be like they are, we reason. They had rough childhoods. Some girl tap-danced all over their heart. They were orphaned, beaten, had bad role models… whatever. But something caused it – they weren’t born bad. We have to believe that if we want to believe we can help them on their road to redemption or believe that we will be the catalyst that spurs that redemption. It’s terribly romantic.
Okay, I may sound a bit snarky on this, but really I’m not. I buy into this all the time. I love these characters. I love these guys. I love the pure optimism and hope in it all. Jane Eyre totally saves Mr. Rochester and they live a long happy life together. Yes, they go through their share of tragedy and heartache, but still… at the end, they’re together, in love and she was the reason for his redemption. What isn’t to love about that?
In Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don’t roll your eyes – that show rocked!), Spike is a villain through how many seasons? He kills humans without remorse. Kills slayers with glee and much future boasting. He’s cruel, sarcastic, and if he can mess with you in any way, he will and smile while doing it. Even at his rottenest, we like him. He’s funny, sexy, and gets away with doing all the awful things we wish we could. But he cares deeply for Drusilla (who’s a total wacko) and later, Buffy, so we know he isn’t all bad. And who of us didn’t have a thing for him the minute he showed up in Season 2, Episode 3? Later, he becomes Buffy’s sex-toy, and then friend and at the end of the series, Spike is a hero of sorts. He and Buffy aren’t always nice to one another, but ultimately they bring about change for the better in each other.
Han Solo is a mercenary. He’s selfish and self-serving. He’s a sexy space cowboy with the coolest wingman ever. He’s a womanizer, street smart criminal, and hangs with the wrong crowds. He is not Dudley Do-Right, but under that gruff exterior beats the heart of a romantic softy who was willing to give up the love-of-his-life to his best friend when he thought that was what she wanted. Yes, indeed. This is a guy I can fall for. With ease. And don’t friendship, a worthy cause and the love of a good woman bring about a better Han? Yes they do. Love scores again.
Characters – the moral here is that even if you’re a killer, cruel, selfish, broody, and have loads of flaws, you can be redeemed and there’s a gal out there just waiting to be your salvation! Mind you, not all of the bad boys and anti-heroes can be redeemed, but that won’t slow the women down from trying.
Writers – characters don’t have to be perfect for readers to love them, want them, want to be them and find them emotionally relatable. Flaws add depth and are more interesting. Perfect characters are boring, so explore the dark side a little and see what happens.
My son used to try to bargain with me all the time, “I’ll do this chore. I promise. Just let me go have fun now and I’ll do it when I get back. Promise!” Ha. It would get put off and put off and further bargained until everyone involved had forgotten what he was supposed to do and he had done nothing but have fun. I’ll own the bad parenting involved when I fell for it time and time again.
Writing can be like that too, “I’ll write today, just as soon as I ____.” But, then you get caught up in the alternative action or sidetracked into another tangent or you lose all motivation you may have felt initially. It’s an easy trap to fall into as my previous compatriots have mention in their posts this month. It’s easy to find excuses to not write and hard to be the only person cracking a whip that says, WRITE.
I’m sure it helps to have an editor/publisher/agent keeping you on task (which Quincy brings up), but what if you don’t? What if you are your own boss (as Evan mentioned) or you’re a habitual procrastinator, so habits are hard to form (as Matt talks about) or perhaps you’re better at making lists than crossing them off (as Kristin discusses) or you’re tragic at prioritization (as Jace does). In other words, what if you’re like me?
The posts I mention all have great points they discuss and I need to incorporate them all. I do. Really-really. So, I appreciate what they have to say and hopefully you found them useful too. I do know what I need to do. It’s the doing it that’s hard.
Instead, I’m going to make some suggestions on what NOT to do and I shall endeavor to not do them myself this year.
Don’t look at your email before you write. I get sidetracked every time and can waste hours on it. So, first write.
Don’t reward yourself BEFORE you earn it. I reward myself with movies, TV shows, video games and reading. But that reward is only a reward if I wrote first, otherwise, it’s really an excuse to not write. So, first write.
Don’t wait for a chunk of time in order to write. Even ten or fifteen minutes can be productive and it’s better than nothing. So, just write.
Don’t wait for the mood/muse/creative spirit to strike before you write. It will show up if you’re plugging along. Maybe not right away, but you can edit crap. You can’t edit what isn’t there. So, just write.
Don’t give up. Like Matt said in his post (linked to above), the one thing that works for everyone is to not give up. Everyone’s vision of success is different and the only person you need to satisfy is yourself. So, just write.
I wish everyone the best in achieving their goals this year, by doing and NOT doing what you need to succeed.
If anyone has some more NOT’s for the list, please share 🙂
Years ago when I was still in the I-Want-To-Be-A-Writer-But-I’m-Not-Writing-Yet phase, I had a crappy desktop computer. It was old, it was big, it was slow and to use it, I had to sit in a less than comfortable chair at a less than comfortable desk. I didn’t write much. Then I met someone and we began collaborating on a book together. I was inspired and writing – at last. It was not ideal and while I was at least following my dream to be a writer, it was still a struggle. The tools I had available were slowing me down.
Not too far into the process, I was visiting with my dad who lived in another state and I rarely got to see. In talking about how I was doing, I mentioned my struggle with my computer. My dad was always a techie, even when tech was barely available. He told me I should have a laptop computer. I scoffed – first, because I was not very tech savvy at the time and second, because I had no money to buy a laptop. Heck, the crappy desktop I had was a hand-me-down. So, I kept plugging away at the story I was writing and doing the best with what I had.
A few weeks later, I received a way-early Christmas present. Two large boxes arrived on my doorstep that contained a brand new laptop with all the bells and whistles and a new printer to go with it. Just remembering that day is making me cry as I type this.
My dad had invested in my dream. In my future – as a writer. He believed in me and gave me the tools to go for it. No excuses. That was such an amazing gift. I finished that book on that laptop in a big comfortable chair in my bedroom and a character was added to it that was inspired by my dad.
Since then, I’ve received many gifts of faith and support in my writing, but that first gift from my dad gave me the confidence and responsibility to believe in myself. Investments in my dream since have included attending the Superstars Writing Seminar and recently getting a newer laptop, though I’ll never part with the one my dad gave me. My dad died several years ago, but not before he got to read that first book I ever wrote.
Your tools are important and can make all the difference in the world, but then so can one person’s belief in you.
This month, we’re looking at ways to meet goals, manage time and distractions, stay on task and stay sane during the crazy summer months. With school out and vacations luring us away from work, it’s easy to set our goals aside and find our way off the path. Or maybe we set goals in January and need to assess whether we’re still on course.
My son used to try to bargain with me all the time, “I’ll do this chore. I promise. Just let me go have fun now and I’ll do it when I get back. Promise!” Ha. It would get put off and put off and further bargained until everyone involved had forgotten what he was supposed to do and he had done nothing but have fun. I’ll own the bad parenting involved when I fell for it time and time again.